just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
