I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize