Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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