Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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