Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
