I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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