the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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