We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
