I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
