I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
