; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
