I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
