I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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