Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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