she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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