Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
