She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
