My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No subtext here. People are naked.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
