I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
