I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
