Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
