if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
