I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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