I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
