dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
