I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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