I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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