Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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