We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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