I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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