What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
