Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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