i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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