i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
