I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
