ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
