Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
