I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
