I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
