That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
