she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
