I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
