i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
