i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
