Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
