I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
