you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
