new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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