i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
