just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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