We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
