We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
