So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize