dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
