so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
