Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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