Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
