I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize