alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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