Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
