I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
