I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
