Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
