I could have mohawked her pubes.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
