Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
