so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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