My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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