He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
