do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You were trust falling into bushes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
