You smell like stripper and shame
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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