May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
