i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize