Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
