I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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