Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
