Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize