im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
