onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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