Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
