we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
