you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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