We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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