So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
