perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
