I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
