Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
