I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
