College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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