sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
