And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
