So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
