Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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