So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He? As in you personified your dick?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
