Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize