Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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