I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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