i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
