this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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