You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
