if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
