I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize