I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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