the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
